Hammer in hand, screws and dowel rods skewed all over the floor, I methodically put together my son’s new dresser. With a twist of the wrist, I put the final screw into the drawer and it glides perfectly back in to place. I could do this for a living, I have the tools, the knowledge, … Read more
Have you ever tried to cook a chicken with a beer can stuck inside it? No matter how careful you are, the chick is just top-heavy and wants to fall over. Years ago, I was not sure where my mom bought this handy little device, but we had a rack that you push into the … Read more
In 1998, my wedding hall was filled with balloon table toppers, arches, and decorative displays, all floating majestically in the air. That was 1998. Now, in 2013, the price of helium has skyrocketed as producers interrupted distribution of helium production. Horror stories abound of balloon decorators searching five state areas searching for the precious gas … Read more
In my mind, one second later… Sir, if you get your lazy butt out of the house earlier you would not be sitting at the fringe of the audience. Have you not noticed this is not the Civic Opera House, but a free music festival at an outdoor shopping mall? The convenient seating that you … Read more
“I have challenge for you,” a voice declares. “Congratulations, you win!” is my response. Yes, it may seem as if you are part of a three-ring circus, kids and parents creating chaos in line. The only thing missing is the ring announcer bellowing, “Come one, come all. See if you can stump the balloon guy”. … Read more
Before closing my trunk, I transform into a TSA agent and visually scan my trunk for keys, followed by a pat down just to verify that they are in my pocket. It reminds me of a smoker looking for their lighter. Once I finish slapping myself silly, I slam the car trunk closed. As I … Read more
In the midst of entertaining, a balloon explodes, allowing the outstretched remains to hurl itself back at light speed and striking with military precision the open eye of the entertainer. I have had this happen and it is an amusement ride of terror that you just cannot wait to get off. Being a professional entertainer, … Read more
The perception is that multiple balloons figures take longer, but that’s not necessarily true. A poorly designed one balloon animal can take as long or longer then a well designed multiple balloon figure. If you are making one balloon swords, hearts, and poodles you can crank out one a minute. Yet, do you really want … Read more
The event is over and my pocket is bulging. Today was that rare day when everyone wanted to tip. I did not ask for it. I was not encouraging it. It just happened. The event was a two hour public event and when it was over I walked away with one $10, two $5 and … Read more
“You should let my 2-year-old go first,” bellows a woman standing behind the teenagers. The four teenage girls had no idea what the woman was complaining about; they too stood in line. “Ma’am, this is kid’s day, and they, like you, paid to get in and are entitled to balloons.” I could see my logic … Read more