Help with Clean Jokes

Topic: Help with Clean Jokes

Posted By: Rapsudsy
Subject: Help with Clean Jokes
Date Posted: 25 April 2003 at 2:30pm

I work as a clown and also as a entertainer in restaurants, for special occasions and birthdays.

I'm looking for good clean laugh lines that do not imply something that could be preceived in the wrong manner.

I am looking for jokes that I can tell while working either pace fainting or blowing balloons.

I have been told one about a clown who ask the kids if they have holes in their undies and it makes them laugh and then he gives the punch line of one for each leg and one for the waist. This is cute for a man who is a clown and he can get away with it but I'm not comfortable with it.

I have also heard Dales version of the Alien Head and being dropped as baby. I'm OK with this one but not sure if I could use it.

I am a lady clown and I have a difficult time with some jokes that could be taken the wrong way and I also feel that there are some things a man can say and get away with it but since I am a lady, I feel most people would view me as the Mother type and that it would not be appropriat for me to use these in my act. Am I the only one who feels this way or are there others? If there are others out there would you please email me with some lines that you are comfortable using?

I could use the help. I'm just beginning to work in the restaurant areana and I need some assistance.

Thank You Very Much,

Rapsudsy

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Raps

Replies:

Posted By: danoballoonmano
Date Posted: 26 April 2003 at 2:10am

The best resource I have found for kid's "schtick" is the library...go get some kid's joke books.....99% of the stuff is so lame you would never use it....but it's the other one percent you have to find.......it's Gold.

Don't forget to get a few for the parents

Dan the Balloon Man

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Dan The Balloon Man

Posted By: danoballoonmano
Date Posted: 01 May 2003 at 9:26am

I have a patent on this one.......(but you can use it...hehe)

Tell the kids that you got up at 2 o'clock in the morning and started twisting balloons for no reason at all, and your husband/wife comes down stairs and tells you that you should not be up at 2 o'clock in the morning twisting balloons....you should be sleeping. He/She tells you that they want you to go and see the doctor first thing in the morning....so you did......"hey kids....ya know what he told me???? He told me I had to stop twisting balloons....isn't that sad......everyone say "awwww...that's sad" So I ask the doctor...."Is there anything you can do to help me out????_______is counting on me to be at _________ to make him/her a balloon and I don't want to let him/her down.....

While telling this story....blow up a balloon 1 inch and tie the ends together so that it looks like a bracelet with a one inch bubble

You know what he has done for me??? (slip the balloon on your arm at this point)....he has put me on the patch and I feel much better!!!!!!

Another one you can use is when you have finished the balloon creation...ask the kids if they have ever seen anyone do this with a balloon before..(start rubbing the balloon on your head creating the static field)

The kids will expect you to stick the balloon to the wall...but instead....stick your head to the wall.....always gets a laugh.....

Another thing you can do is to memorize a few short kid's stories to tell to the first 10 people in your line to help keep them interested while you are creating something.

Hope these help!!!

Dan The balloon Man

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Dan The Balloon Man

Posted By: knock knock
Date Posted: 10 May 2003 at 4:17am

One of my little bits is to let a little air of the balloon as it makes the "phoot" look at the dad or the table next to and shrug my shoulders to like I don't know who let that one out. If there is more then one kid there I go to the next child and do it again. This time say man I what ever that was it is spreading over here to.

When making a 2 balloon flower after tying the nozzle and tip together then spliting and twisting. You have a figure 8 shape put it between your knees and tell everone if they need a some thing to help out for their thighs you got one you can make for them. ( It looks like you have a thigh master like on TV. )

Well thats all for now--- See ya

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Posted By: Squeeze
Date Posted: 10 June 2003 at 8:36pm

I went online and you can find a million good, clean, family jokes for kids of all ages. Example...While creating a balloon dog...Anyone know what to do with a dog with no legs....take him for a drag. Making a balloon bear or a horse...anyone know what you get when you cross a bear and a horse....Winnie the Pooh! They are really corny, but the kids love corny. As a fellow clown and childrens entertainer, you have to do some research and look at the jokes and how they might apply to what your particular skills are. It will be worth your while to do this, I promise!

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Meadville's Very Own,

SQUEEZE, the clown

Posted By: TBAFKAR
Date Posted: 11 June 2003 at 6:37pm

When making a poodle

This is the best balloon poodle you have ever seen.
Make the 1st twist and let it go as tho by mistake. Repeat and begin to show frustration.

I learned this in prison. . . . . . . . Actually it was a football scholarship but no one believes that.
(pick your college and coach)

Continue with the twists and slipping.

Finally grab the 1st bubble in both hand and thank God for opposable thumbs. That's why ground sloths don't twist balloons. Make the head of the poodle.
THIS IS THE BEST BALLOON POODLE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!

Proudly display the poodle head and long body as the epitomy of balloon poodleness. Really act it it up.

(Hold it forth with one hand while reaching for a premade 1 inch balloon ball)

Look for the response. Laughter, disgust, etc

You don't like my poodle? Act this up and ad lib.

When they complain it is not finished, act indignent.
Defend your signiture creation.
When some one mercifully says it has no legs.

SHOCK AND AWE on your face. Embaressment, apologise, whine about your day. Apologise for that. really play this up. Compose your self and say: "What do you call a poodle with no legs?

Various answers

It does not matter what you call it, It will not come to you.

Buuuut it rolls over very well and start twisting the best poodle they have ever seen. Thumb inflate the tail and resqueeze it down. Reinflate tail Squeeze it down.
If the poodle is the same color as the ball show the tail you have removed. Or if the poodle is different color show emarassessment and hold your hand open to show the audience what your poodle just did in your hand.

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How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all.
Mack Painter

Posted By: Jewls
Date Posted: 16 June 2003 at 4:39pm

A few fun jokes for you,

Q/ What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?

A/ It gets Wet!

Q/ You know why I named my pig/horse ink?

A/ It kept running out of it's pen.

Q/ What do you call a frog stuck in the mud?

A/ Unhoppy

Q/ What is at the end of everything?

A/ The letter G

Q/ What shivers as it sinks to the bottom of the ocean?

A/ A nervious wreck

Q/ What did the tie say to the hat?

A/ You go on a head and I'll hang around.

Q/ What two words have the most letters in them?

A/ Post office

Q/ Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A/ Right where you left him.

Here are a couple of my favorite joke sites.
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.kids-jokes.com/
I have a few on my web page too.
Hope that helps!
Jewls
www.Jewls.isclever.com

Posted By: magicgeorge
Date Posted: 20 June 2003 at 9:02pm

I often cheat and ask the kids to tell me jokes. I tell them I know every joke in the world and if they can tell me a joke (not a made up one or a rude one) that I can't answer i'll do a silly dance and really embarass myself. i usually know most of them so they get into the game of trying to catch me out. If they catch me out I learn a new joke and I get another laugh by doing my silly dance.

Talking of clean jokes..A kid came up to me recently and asked me if I wanted to know a dirty joke! As I began to quietly panic he said
A man fell into a muddy puddle ha ha

then he ran off

Posted By: Rick
Date Posted: 23 June 2003 at 1:06am

Try this:

Ask them if they can say a legitimate word that rhymes with:

Silver

Orange

Purple

There are no words that rhyme with them! It kind of stumps them and keeps them thinking! I always want them to use their brains!!!! I want them to think and use their imaginations! I always say that I am making a Rhinocerous no matter what I am making! I even get the kid that I am making it for say the same thing when they are asked what is it? I feel that this way does two things!

1. They get to use their imagination

2. I feel that if I did it right, they can tell what it is when it is done!

Keeps them involved and keeps it fun for me!

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Care To Share!
Rick Mohr The Balloon MAN!
www.RickMohr.com
www.BLUNIVERSITY.com